May everyone’s wishes come true ——
索达吉堪布精彩开示录
Highlights of questions and answers in Khenpo Sodargye’s teachings
How does one deal with disharmonious family relationships?
问：现在世间，很多夫妻关系不太好，互相怪来怪去，甚至貌合神离。Question: These days many couples have strained relationships. They criticize one another, and even though they live under one roof, their hearts are worlds apart.
通过学习佛法，我有这样一种感悟：如果丈夫把妻子当菩萨来供养、恭敬，妻子也把丈夫当菩萨，乃至父母把子女也当菩萨，彼此关系就会越来越好。From what I learned about Buddhism, if a husband regards and respects his wife as a Bodhisattva, and the wife does the same to her husband, their relationship with each other could only get better. The same thing applies to parents and their kids.
This is a way to blend Dharma into life, isn’t it?
Khenpo: It’s great if one can regard one’s family members as Bodhisattvas!
我在有些城市里，就见到丈夫向妻子顶礼、妻子向丈夫顶礼的现象。In some cities, I have seen instances where a husband bows to his wife and a wife bows to her husband.
其实，夫妻在一个家庭里生活，不应以小小的问题互相挑毛病，成天吵吵闹闹，否则家庭就成了一个“小战场”，始终得不到安宁。A couple living in the same household should refrain from fighting and bickering over trivial matters; otherwise, their home will turn into a battlefield and they won’t have a moment of peace.
在现实生活中，很多夫妻的关系不是特别融洽，这是一个普遍的社会问题。不仅是中国，现在西方国家也日益严重。Unfortunately, tense marital relationships have become a prevalent social problem. This happens not only in China, Western countries have also seen it worsening.
关系不好的主要原因，可能与前世的因缘有关系，再加上今生各自的爱好、特长等不同，互相就有许多不理解的地方。The main cause for tense relationships could be karmic factors from past lives. Additionally, differences in each individual’s inclinations and aptitudes also lead to plenty of misunderstandings.
所以，我觉得，大家一定要学习佛法的包容心，这很重要！Therefore, I would encourage all of us to develop gentle forbearance and calm endurance as taught in Buddhism. This is very important!
以前我讲《入菩萨行论》《弟子规》时，一再呼吁家庭要和合，A while ago while I was teaching The Way of the Bodhisattva and the Standards for being a Good Pupil and Child, I repeatedly spoke about the importance of cultivating a harmonious family life.
后来听说有些人学了后，想离婚的也不离了，要自杀的也想开了，还是起到了一定的作用。Later, I heard that as a result of their studies, some people who had thought about getting a divorce dropped their plans and those considering suicide saw glimpses of light in the dark tunnel. These teachings seemed to have served important functions.
夫妻聚在一起本就是因缘，佛教中有句话说得好：“诸法因缘生，诸法因缘灭。”A marriage is but the manifestation of past karmic connections. It is well said in the Buddhist scripture, “All phenomena arise due to causes and conditions; all phenomena cease due to causes and conditions.”
大家若能对此再三思维，知道一切苦乐都是因缘，就不会对另一半太挑剔了，也不会强行剥夺对方的自由，动不动就否认对方的做法。If we can reflect on this verse deeply, we’ll come to see that all our happiness and suffering arises from inter-dependence. No longer will we be critical of our other half, nor will we act like a control-freak, jumping to reproach the other at the slightest provocation.
It is only by these measures that a harmonious and peaceful family can be established.
家庭快乐了，社会就快乐；社会快乐了，整个国家乃至地球，都会充满温暖、快乐的气息。A happy family leads to a happy society, and a happy society leads to a joyful country and even a cordial world.
How do we manage to face loneliness?
问：您是怎样面对孤独的？很多人都会面临这个问题，在这方面，您对大家有什么建议？Question: How does one deal with the loneliness that is plaguing many people nowadays? What is your suggestion?
堪布答：有这样一个说法：“孤独，是一种寂静；沉默，是一种禅定。”Khenpo: A saying goes, “Loneliness is tranquility; silence is deep meditation.”
Personally, I have not experienced this so-called lonely feeling.
世人认为的孤独，对修行人来说，其实是一种寂静的快乐。To spiritual practitioners, loneliness as labeled by worldly people is actually the happiness of tranquility.
就像长年累月在山洞闭关的修行人，他会不会因此而寂寞呢？肯定不会。Would a yogi who undergoes a long-term retreat in a cave suffer from loneliness? Definitely not.
我家乡有一个出家人，在拉萨附近的山洞里闭关了十二年。A monk in my hometown did a twelve-year retreat in a cave near Lhasa.
前不久他回来了一趟，我问他：“你在十二年中，天天都坐在山洞里，连太阳光都照不到，会不会寂寞，会不会痛苦呢？”He made a trip out not too long ago. I asked him, “In the past twelve years you sat in a cave every day without even getting much sunlight. Did you feel lonesome? Did you suffer much?”
他说：“没有啊，在山洞闭关的快乐，简直无法言表！反而来红尘一趟，我特别不习惯，马上就想回去。”He replied, “I did not. The happiness experienced in my retreat is a joy beyond description. I feel very strange to be out in the secular world. I want to go back to my cave right away.”
因此，世间上很多的单一状态，在常人看来，是一种孤独和伤感，但如果自己没有这样的执著，并乐在其中，那就不会是一种痛苦。Loneliness in the mundane sense is usually associated with desolation and misery. However, if a person is free from such sentiments and finds joy in being alone, then it is not a sorrowful experience.
就像天上的月亮，也只有一个，但它发出的光却那么美，能照亮大地、开启莲花，给很多人带来快乐。Take the moon: It is alone in the sky, yet it shines forth pristine light that illuminates the earth, opens lotus flowers and brings enjoyment to many people.Khenpo Sodargye《Achieve by Doing》
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